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Random Awesome

2012-02-09T15:55:00.001+08:00

When things don't quite go your way, you still have me on replay~

:)

Appreciate

2012-02-05T21:37:00.003+08:00

Assalamu'alaikum~

This post is totally uncalled for actually. Was roaming around the net then I was like 'Eh update ah ape lagi.' K nonsense. Hahah!

Anyway, just feel like posting up something really really really random right now. It is pretty much pointless actually. Tapi think back, who knows in the future I might forget this story then read read blog teringat balik....Ah k another nonsense. Let's just get to the part lah eh.. >.<

I was looking through my birth certificate with my mum the other day and she started telling me stories about my birth cert. It was really funny how up to now I still do not know why my dad named me with a double H. Ibu said that when my auntie came back from the hospital and showed her my birth cert, she actually scolded my aunty thinking my aunty made a mistake misspelling my name. Hah! Then my aunty told her how my dad emphasized and kept on telling her that he wanted my name to be spelt with a double h.

His reason was.. 'Wanting my name to be a lil teeny weeny bit different from others'. Yeah, that's just my dad. :')

Ahh, see. Told ya it's pointless. Haha!

Sidetrack by abit, as time goes, I figured it wasn't pain that I felt all along. It wasn't. Alhamdulillah. :)

Gonna go date my AC now. Till next time insyaAllah.. :D

p/s : Allah knows, Allah knows, Allah knows. Up to now. The amount of faith I'm having, I do hope it stays that way. InsyaAllah. :')

Just.

2012-01-29T20:54:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum :D

Urm, so yeah I am supposed to be studying right now. Howeverrrr, given that my mood is kind of unstable right now, I decided to to take a break and blog a bit. Hoping it will help. InsyaAllah..

Like I mentioned earlier, I am supposed to be studying PIC right now. Common test in 3 days time and I have only covered three chapters. Just three out of six. :'( To be frank, I was just so disappointed in myself awhile ago. I should have known better and started revising earlier.

Allah ma'i, insyaAllah kheir.

I just need a break from all these chaotic schedule. To think back, at times I just feel like I'm doing all these for the wrong purpose. Na'udzubillah.

I should go continue mugging.. ;(

p/s : I leave it up to Him. Already. Long ago.

Another one.

2012-01-22T23:20:00.001+08:00

"Kenangku didalam doamu~"

:')

Almost a year.

2012-01-22T21:23:00.002+08:00

Assalamualaikum! :D

After rethinking a few times, I finally decided to get this post up. For some reasons I don't want to sound so pointless in this post like how I did for the previous post(s). Heheheh.

So, just last two days the girls decided on a short meetup and catch up session at our former school. Seriously, Allah knows how much I missed that place. The moment I stepped into the canteen I feel this...very overwhelming feeling I find hard to explain. Macam cepat masa berlalu.. While catching up, Sir Isa came to us. Okay, I gotta admit, I miss that teacher the most out of all my teachers. :'( I feel so indebted to all the teachers suddenly when I go back there to visit that time. Seriously. Ahh...I ought to feel indebted anyway. :/

Jazakumullahu kheiran~

After some quick chat with Sir, we spent some time in the school library like how we would have after school back during those days. Macam dulu jugak, kalau tak kena marah dengan librarian memang tak sah! ^^

All in all, Alhamdulillah, the time spent that day was just so..good. I don't wish to go back in time and change anything. I'm blessed with so many things. I should learn to appreciate more and..quit complaining. MasyaAllah..

Should I just end this post? Ah k yes I should. Haha! Till next time. Ma'assalamah! ♥

2011-12-28T23:01:00.001+08:00

It ended.

So this is where it leads me to. The end. Wallahu A'lam. It does hurt, but I'm sure there's a blessing behind this pain. InsyaAllah. :)

Another day

2011-12-25T22:13:00.001+08:00

I came across this sentence a few days ago.. 'If you still have the time to complain, you are actually at waste because you can never have the time to complain with so much to be thankful for.'

It actually helps me alot at times like this. I need to quit complaining.. MasyaAllah.

So yes, I have been feeling rather down a few days back. For a few reasons that I prefer to be kept to myself.. You know, He puts me to it.. He will bring me through it. I'm sure.. A lil bit of patience will do. InsyaAllah..

Up till now, I still am wondering what this is. I know its not what I think it is.. Everyday without fail, it never leaves my mind. I'm thankful for what has been. I'm glad I atleast had the oppurtunity to.

That is all. Wallahu A'lam. :')

posted from Bloggeroid

In this position

2011-12-21T21:15:00.001+08:00

Assalamualaikum :) It has been long hasn't it? Anyway, like all the other posts.. I'm here to rant my hearts out. So umm yeah.

After so long, today it happened. You know, everytime things like this happen, I blame myself so much so tt I start to feel my self esteem gg down like literally feel it. I know for the fact that Im never a good daughter. But who on earth ever wants to feel that way.. )':

Bottling up your feelings can be so suffocating at times. InsyaAllah everything's gonna be fine. I just need to be positive about everything again. InsyaAllah bikheir. :(

posted from Bloggeroid

2011-12-09T23:35:00.001+08:00

Old song is old.

Pernah tak.

2011-11-18T00:06:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt your heart aching so bad that you can feel it like literally feel it. Ah yes. That's what I meant.

I'll get stronger. Just. Insya'Allah. :') I have always believed that whatever turns out of this, is for the better. I'm just so thankful for whatever that I have been given for now. It's more than enough. Thank you Allah. Thank you.

What could have been

2011-11-04T23:58:00.003+08:00

"What could have been eh if I didn't go. What could have been eh if I didn't even follow my instinct and applied. What could have been eh."

Indeed true enough we can never go against God's plan. It's always what I need and not what I want. It has always been like that. I'm just so thankful beyond words. I feel so small. I haven't been a good servant to Him all these while.

It'll take time. I still can not understand what this will lead to. But Insya Allah I will soon. Although at times I disliked how things turns out, it'll always get better. Always. That's how amazing He is. May He give me the strength. Amin amin amin amin.

You need to learn that nothing will ever stay the same forever. Nothing

Nur Kasih

2011-10-30T22:54:00.003+08:00

This song makes me want to get married like..now.

Kalau mood gatal dah on, macam ni ah jadi. ):

What will work.

2011-10-23T22:15:00.002+08:00

Good things come to those who wait.

It took this long and I am never more happier. I am just so thankful that I can't even describe it in words. He who knows what I need and only give what I need. It was exactly the same the first time. It still is. Only stronger. For only He knows what this will lead to, though I am dying to know how it will go. I shall wait.

They say, good things come to those who wait. :)

This was like a wish I made reallllllllllllllllly deep down and nobody else knows and for it to happen. Shouldn't I be thankful?

Thank you Allah. Thank You.

Growing up.

2011-10-18T22:00:00.003+08:00

You'll only realize something's worth when they're gone.

I have been experiencing severe stomach pain for a few weeks now. It's so not like me to be this weak. Insya Allah it will be better, keeping the faith for all I know. I blame myself for being so stubborn, for skipping my meals time and time again. :( Betul lah eh orang cakap, kita takkan belajar appreciate kalau tak rasa sakit dia. I'm sorry stomach, I love you, heal fast okay? ):

I hate how much of a crybaby I am. Benda ni pun nak nangis. Ya Allah.

I just need to let it out somewhere, it might be something so childish, but heck, it's painful, I need to talk to some...thing about it. :(

I hate how I get so sad over.. small things. Seriously Jannahh, seriously.

Anyway, I really hope someday I can be a daughter my mother is proud of. Someday. Though I know I'm rather far from it. I'm still trying. Hard. Insya Allah someday. :)

I very much know how much I need to improve as a daughter, friend, student and most importantly.. His servant.

Wallahu A'lam.

:D

2011-10-11T13:41:00.001+08:00

An idiot may be the name given to the ordinary man, who consistently misinterprets what happens to him, what he does, or what is brought about by others. He does this so completely plausibly that - for himself and his peers - large areas of life and thought seem logical and true.

An idiot of this kind was sent one day with a pitcher to a wise man, to collect some wine.

On the way the idiot, through his own heedlessness, smashed the jar against a rock.

When he arrived at the house of the wise man, he presented him with the handle of the pitcher, and said: "So-and-so sent you this pitcher, but a horrid stone stole it from me."

Amused and wishing to test his coherence, the wise man asked:

"Since the pitcher is stolen, why do you offer me the handle?"

"I am not such a fool as people say," the idiot told him, "and therefore I have brought the handle to prove my story."

Source

♥♥

If I ever

2011-10-05T22:48:00.003+08:00

A short one before I go to sleep.

So lately I have been feeling really really funny. Like, I feel happy, but sad at the same time. K, I don't even get it myself. But yeah, that's how I feel. It's hard to explain. It might be due to my major PMS period right now. But still, not sure.

Anyway, yeah. Another thing. I can feel myself trying hard to change the past few days. Wait, weeks. Like, literally, changing. I'm glad I get to do those simple simple things that once used to be so hard for me. I get to clean my own room frequently now. Alhamdulillah. & yes, I get to get rid of this addiction to my own laptop. Yay!

For all the prayers He never fail to answer. It's either you hear it or you refuse to. Either one. Bottom line, He knows the best.

Allahu A'lam.

To the Birthday girl

2011-10-02T19:58:00.003+08:00

To my bestest friend in this whole wide world, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

K, this post is totally uncalled for actually, but guessing since you deactivated your facebook, here's the only place I can do it besides facebook. -.-

So, yeah, happy birthday. I know today has been nothing but a pain for you and I really do feel sorry about that. On this day, I pray that you'll be someone much stronger and happier. After all these years, I know you can go through all those craps. I just know you can.

For all the times you've been there for me be it during my ups or my downs. You're still the best no matter what.

Like they say "A best friend is someone that just knows you need them without you even telling them why."

Happy Birthday, May Allah shower you with his blessings all the time. I know it's hard to go through all these craps time and time again, stay strong! xoxo ♥

Dubai & Results #1

2011-09-26T18:06:00.009+08:00

Assalamualaikum. :D

It has been awhile hasn't it. As mentioned in my previous post, I was away for Abu Dhabi/Dubai for 6 days. So yeah, this post is definitely something related to that. Heh. If there is any word to describe how the trip was, it was just fantabulously awesome. Haha! xD Great times spent there, great times.

If I am to talk about how I spent my time there, this will never come to an end. So sikit sikit ajer lah can. It was an impromptu decision actually to go for this trip. Imagine if I didn't apply for this trip, all I might do at home is rot. ~.~

The first day of the trip is seriously a turn off. Can you imagine, we traveled so far from Singapore to Abu Dhabi and all we get for dinner is... Chinese seafood. Not funny at all. I can barely swallow any of the food that time. Tasteless rabak. One of the most memorable part of the trip.

Actually, the funny thing is, I saw a lot of Singaporeans there. Small world. Skips everything else, gonna go straight to the hotel. Reddison Blu hotel is freaking awesome. The place is just uber beautiful. From the l

obby, to the room, to the pool, to the chandelier to the whatever k. Lawa gila. Tak bedek.

See it for yourself. Hehe.

I'll only mention what I remember for now. Haha! Besides the horrifying dinner, the next memorable thing is the last night in Dubai. Get to bond with some of the people there. Yknow, I applied for this trip with Aini as the only person I know. The only person. I guess after the second night, it gets less awkward. Haha! xD

After that last night, it is definitely the huge mosque that we went to that I remember. It's a

freeeeeeaaaking beautiful mosque. I was so mesmerized by the beauty. Lawaaaa sangat.

Next up after the mosque is... THE DESERT. My favourite part.

I really love the desert ride like akjsadaks. It was like riding an hour of rollercoaster. The scenery there is SubhanAllah. We get to watch the sunset there and even eat our dinner there. Got to watch belly dancing sumore. Well, the belly dancing part, to be honest, is disgusting ah to me. Not gonna lie. Shall not elaborate more, tak baik. Anyway, it's still an awesome night.♥

There's so many places that we went to, like the Burj Khalifa, the Palm Island, the museum, and so many places more. Like I said, if I am to elaborate every single thing, it'll come to no end. So yeah. :')

Mo~ving on to the result part. Since the result was released when I was still in Dubai, I can't help it but to pay 10 dirhams just to check the bloody result. Meh. I was like "ARE YOU SERIOUS." when I checked my result. My GPA improved to my surprise. Haha! xD Tak ku sangka.

Alhamdulillah, for He answered my prayers again. ♥ Alhamdulillah. :')

Something to ponder

2011-09-12T23:28:00.003+08:00

There was once a man who was an enemy to Islam. He had three famous questions that no person could answer. No Islamic scholar in Baghdad could answer his three questions...thus he made fun of Islam in public. He constantly ridiculed Islam and the Muslims. One day a small boy, who`s age was 10, came along and heard the man yelling and screaming at Muslims in the street. He was challenging people openly to answer the three questions.
The boy stood quietly and watched. He then decided that he would challenge the man. He walked up and told the man, "I will accept your challenge".

The man laughed at the boy and ridiculed the Muslims even more by saying, "A ten year old boy challenges me. Is this all you people have to offer!"

But the boy patiently reiterated his stance. He would challenge the man, and with Allah`s help and guidance, he would put this to an end. The man finally accepted.

The entire city gathered around a small "hill" where open addresses were usually made. The man climbed to the top, and in a loud voice asked his first question.

"What is your God doing right now?"

The small boy thought for a little while and then told the man to climb down the hill and to allow him to go up in order to address the question.

The man says "What? You want me to come down?"

The boy says, "Yes. I need to reply, right?"

The man made his way down and the small boy, age 10, with his little feet made his way up.

This small child`s reply was "Oh Allah Almighty! You be my witness in front of all these people. You have just willed that a Kafir be brought down to a low level, and that a Muslim be brought to a high level!"

The crowd cheered and screamed "Takbir"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!"

The man was humiliated, but he boldly asked his Second question... "What existed before your God?"

The small child thought and thought.

Then he asked the man to count backwards. "Count from 10 backwards."

The man counted..."10, 9 ,8 , 7 , 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,0"

The boy asked, "What comes before 0 ?"

The man: "I don`t know...nothing."

The boy: "Exactly. Nothing was before Allah, for He is eternal and absolute."

The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!!"

The man, now completely frustrated, asked his final question. "In which direction is your Allah facing?"

The boy thought and thought.

He then asked for a candle. A candle was brought to him. The blessed child handed it to the man and asked him to light it.

The man did so and remarked, "What is this supposed to prove?"

The young boy asked, "In which direction is light from the candle going?"

The man responded, "It is going in all directions."

The boy: "You have answered your own question. Allah`s light (noor) goes in all directions. He is everywhere. There is no where that He cannot be found.

"The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!"

The man was so impressed and so moved by the boy`s knowledge and spirituality, that he embraced Islam and became a student of the young boy.

So ended the debate.

Who was the young boy?

The young boy was one of our leaders and one of the greatest scholars, Imam Abu Hanîfa (May Allah bless him).

Source : http://www.livingislam.org/sis_e.html

Just something I feel like sharing. Ilalliqa' ♥

RAYA 2011

2011-09-12T00:39:00.005+08:00

Salam to y'all. :D

Ok so after much contemplation, finally gonna update this blog. Lol. Why must I make myself sounds so boring every single time. ~.~

I gotta say that this year's Raya wasn't really one of the best but then again I gotta thank Allah for he answered my prayers time and time again without fail. It's indeed a blessing in disguise.

So what happened was, Ajib was admitted to the hospital the very first day of Eid. He vomitted for over 5 times within 5 hours. The anxiety got worse when the doctor told my dad his shun broke into half. It was definitely a very memorable first day. I cried so much to the point I feel so weak. That's how it was. Hamdan Lillah, he recovered well. Such a strong boy my brother is when in fact he's just 12 ♥. I guess, due to this fact, I tend to appreciate him more now. He's in a much better state now. Alhamdulillah. That was just the first day.

Due to the very emotional first day, I didn't get to study FPM that much. In fact, I studied only for a good 2 hours accumulative for FPM's SE paper. It was just a read through that was done during Ramdhan. Other than that, gone case. I prayed so hard that the paper's gonna be easy given that the past 4 papers were really tough. I can only pray at that time. Alhamdulillah again, it was a doable paper. Despite not being able to study, I still managed to do the paper. I'm not aiming for anything for FPM given I wasn't able to study with all that's going on. All in all, Alhamdulillah. ♥♥♥

Since Ajib got admitted, we can't do any visitings. Even after he's discharged, he needs the time to recover anyway. So yeah. Inclusive of today, I only went out for visitings 5 times. Hah! My life record. His recovery is what matters most right now.

Since he's able to walk and run again now, we just started our visitings. Like lol. Orang semua dah taknak jalan raya, kita baru nak start. xD

Moving on, I'll be leaving for Dubai in 7 days time. Memang tak sabar. Excited sangat. Alhamdulillah, I've always thought I'd never be able to fly anywhere before I reach my 20s. Tapi tak. Hehe. Result is gonna be out while I'm there. Sungguh tidak shiok please.

K, I'm done with the updates. Posting up some pictures just because. Hik hik. :)

The only family picture we took on the first day of raya. ♥

This was taken few days back. He's all healthy again. /yes, same outfit as the first day can/♥♥♥

Till next time. Ilalliqa' ♥

Sincerity.

2011-08-29T00:04:00.005+08:00

"Your purpose of doing good deeds is to get the barakah from Allah. Everything goes back to your niyyah. If you do it for something else besides Allah, then it shall be of a waste. Same goes to your knowledge. Why do you study? For the sake of Allah. If you come to school for some other reasons besides to gain knowledge for His sake, then your knowledge won't be of barakah."

- Dari satu hamba Allah ni.

Those motivational words came from an ustaz back when I was 14, which is like 4 years ago. He said that because we often ask him if the topic he taught at that time will be tested in the exam. It has then become my motivation, my drive, to study. I never forced myself to stress too much, I never even want to do well just to get that satisfaction. All I do was, study. I gotta say, it was much more easier back then with over 15 subjects to memorize and all rather than now.

Now, it's like I have forgotten those words. Like I never heard them. Those words came back last few days as I was doing my very own self reflection. /some sort ah, not really/ Maybe, for the 1 year and a half of my poly life, I've forgotten those words. That is why I find everything, hard to accomplish. Everything seems so much harder when in fact I'd done something much more tougher than that.

I had a talk with Dyja and she agreed when I brought up this matter. Studying in such an academic environment is so different that you, at times, forgot where you actually come from. Where you used to stand and how you used to stand. Seriously, this world is such a scary place to live in.

& He knows Best.

I just pray hard that I will not change due to the strong influence, Insya Allah.

Moving on. Know what, I had the most weirdest dream yesterday. Like, legit weirdness. I woke up with "0.0" written all over my face. The thing is, okay, the content of the dream is reasonable ah cause at times also I got think about fairytale things macam gitu, but the person in the dream is seriously VERY random. I do know him but then he's not even someone that I think about AT ALL. If it's some other guy that I frequently talk to pun like reasonable ah. This one, like never talk before, setakat come across one or twice. Kelakar lah sangat. I told my brother about it and he said "Ah, Allah nak tunjukkan tu, yang dier jodoh Kak Jannahh". Suka hati kau lah adik.

I tend to find true happiness when I start to bond with my siblings more. Masya Allah.

Enough long post. I see you when I see you. Ilalliqa' :)

110818

2011-08-19T00:03:00.002+08:00

Since the pictures refused to turn out well tho I tried editing them, ended up with this la. So after planning for just a few days, we finally finally get to meet up. Been months.

Normally when we meet up with someone we're really close with after quiet a long time, we'll start observing for difference /God, this sounds so weird/. MUZ SKINNY ALREADY. Last three months, she like so bulat only. She believed me, not. I feel so fat now. /k bedek/

Anyway, after finishing my Maths paper today /I ain't gonna elaborate on the paper part/ Slacked in the library, staring at the HMT notes while I wait for myself to doze off. When I finally am able to doze off, she called "I'M AT THE MRT STATION ALREADY". Best or what. -.-

Break fast-ed, Maghrib-ed, Isyak-ed, Terawih-ed together. It feels like we're back to our secondary school days. She and her nonsense, and I am with mine. I miss those days, where we can just meet, and talk and talk and talk non stop. Just like today.

Well spent day afterall.

Hati untuk dua.

2011-08-07T00:48:00.006+08:00

Ini hanya lyrics semata-mata ya. Hihi. Nothing personal, just that I am so into the song right now that I need to post the lyrics up for no reason. -..-

Break.
I know where you are.
I’m break.

I know who you’re with now.
Yeah! It’s not a love story, not a love story.
Girl you’re making me cry.

No, it’s not just us. This is not between the two of us.
Now there’s three of us here, a story for three,
Story that you’ve broken and ruined, baby.

To hold onto your heart, I came all the way to you.
You said you loved only me, words were just lies,
now you say you don’t care.

Wanted to believe in your heart, even when you lied.
I blinded myself to who you were.
Every word you spoke, every lie you told.
Girl, how could you give your heart for two?

Cry, Cry, making me cry.

Girl you’re making me cry.
Break it, break it, breaking my heart.
Going insane for you.
In my head I know you lied to my heart.
Girl, you really break the hearts of two.

Can’t even look directly at me.
Can’t even believe what you’ve done.
Even so I chased after you
(What happened to the one I love?)
Yo, You deceived me when I trusted your words.
Afraid of knowing where’s the end.

What’s gonna happen to us?
There’s no answer to that, but.

I can’t, I can’t leave you.
Even if I think about it alone.
What am I supposed to do now?
(Push me into it)

I know this has to end.

I want (I want) to be with you (To be with you).
And yet, the silence stays.
Even if I try to forget, try to erase you.
Can’t get you out of my mind.

Wanted to believe in your heart, even when you lied.
I blinded myself to who you were.
Every word you spoke, every lie you told.
Girl, how could you give your heart for two?

Cry, Cry, making me cry.

Girl you’re making me cry.

Break it, break it, breaking my heart.
Going insane for you.
In my head I know you lied to my heart.
Girl, you really break the hearts of two.

I can, I can do it. I know that I can leave you.
I can’t, I can’t do it, I have to be by your side.
No, I don’t want to believe.

No, I have to see through you.
Getting dizzy, stop that.
Who do I blame, answer me, girl.

Broke it off, ground it into dust.
Our love story.
The story that we made.
It’s no love story.
Can’t finish it myself, hands shaking too hard.
Girl, you really break the hearts of two.

Wanted to believe, even when you lied.
I blinded myself to who you were.
Every word you spoke, every lie you told.
Girl, how could you give your heart for two?

I’ll defend me, suspicions running wildly.
Frustrated, I need to know where you are.
Constantly lied to, Can’t give my heart up.
It’s not a love story, not a love story.

♥

2011-08-07T00:12:00.002+08:00

Because I told no one about it. Not even a single soul.

That is why, it hurts even more. It's not like I'm not familiar with this. Hah.

♥ Allah knows best, I shall leave everything to Him.

내 감정은.

2011-08-05T13:57:00.006+08:00

I miss them, I miss this place, I miss everything. ):

Everytime fasting month come right, I confirm case emotional about this thing. I mean, it's never the same again. How I missed the times when we don't even need to plan to meet.

We see each other everyday, fight, be okay, understands each other more and bla bla bla.

Now, even meeting my bestfriend is hard. What even.

I don't really know how to express myself properly. But yeah, I miss you guys like jsdhfdj.

p/s : What if..

Wallahu A'lam. ♥

Ramadhan Kareem

2011-08-02T17:05:00.002+08:00

Every year, when it's time for Ramadhan , I'll wonder, will I change to be better?

Salam to all. This post is totally uncalled for. I am supposed to study right now but since nothing is going in my brain, I'll just post something to, well, atleast not waste my time. Hehe. Anyway, if last year I didn't get to enjoy the last day of Ramadhan with everyone, this year, I can't get to do so on the very first day. I get so emotional to the point I feel like crying. It comes only once a year. So heartpain ah pucuk pangkal cerita. ):

Moving on, majority of my exam papers falls during the fasting month. Only FPM is not. (2nd day of raya which is equal to double heartpain.) Umm, so yeah. Normally I have like extra motivations when exams falls during the fasting month. Tapi this year like, Wallahu A'lam tak tahu mengapa. ): I just need to find that motivation. Insya Allah dapat jumpa la eh.

Tomorrow is Rotating Equipment Engineering's Common Test. This, posting this, just shows how tawakkal I already am. Seriously.

Du'a is the only thing that's gonna work for now. Studying is no longer relevant since I have less than 24 hours left. )8

Like what they said : من جد وجد

Nothing changed.

2011-07-22T22:21:00.002+08:00

Long whiny post ahead, do exit if you don't wish to read.

The past two weeks has been such a roller-coaster ride for me. Piles of work to finish and whatnot. I came to realize, in the journey of 'trying to finish P4 asap'. I forgot my own responsibility as a daughter, a friend, and most importantly, as a servant to Him.

Today seriously did slap me right at the face. I have grown to be such an ignorant...bitch(?) /I can't find any other words to describe it right now, tho this might be too much/ I only care about how I feel and not others. I only care about my moodswings and not others. I only care about my own pleasure and not others. That's how I look at myself at right now. This, all this, I didn't realize it until today. Everyday, every single day. I go back home, settle down, sit in front of my study table and start my schoolwork and whatnot. That's my day cycle. I din't take into consideration what my mum did for me all day long and all I care is to finish up my schoolwork and sleep.

She cooked, she cleaned up MY mess in MY room, she washed MY clothes. Tell me how useless of a daughter I am. I feel so bad for her that I can't even look at her right at the face just now. I have been so selfish. I wanted to change and I have been saying this forever. I don't even know what's stopping me from changing. I feel so bad up to the point where I feel like she doesn't deserve a daughter like me. Seriously. But Alhamdullillah, I threw away that kind of thought soon enough.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything Ibu. I will change, I will try. I'm so sorry.

2011-07-05T21:12:00.001+08:00

And I need to start reflecting on my actions.

Common Tests and yada yada

2011-07-02T01:30:00.001+08:00

Harro. 8D

So, yeah, common test ended and I am happy.

I swear I know what to post just now, now I totally blanked out. )8 Will post a more productive post soon. Tsk.

Before You Go.

2011-06-16T14:08:00.005+08:00

After so long, here's a post that I promise will bore you. Read up if you think you want to waste your time on something well.. unimportant. Hehe.

I'll start with my school stuffs. Well, school hasn't been that great. I suffered from major sleep deprivation finishing up reports, assignments and etc. You can just imagine how boring it is. But surprisingly, I kinda enjoy what I am doing. Which is a good thing. I need to be more positive at times. Or else things won't work for me. Huahua. Just two weeks ago, I got back my FPM test result. And yes, not a surprise I failed with a BIG FAT F. My depressing life kinda start from there. To add on to that, I have to work with some inconsiderate people for my lab that doesn't even understand what initiative is. I'm just glad I have Dijah to help me through.

So just Tuesday I went to meet up with my teacher since I failed so bad. I reminded myself time and time again I need to be strong so as not to tear up when he scold me or anything. But yeah, it's a shear fail. It was good th first 10 minutes. But just when time goes, I get weaker, and eventually I cried. :/ It was totally my fault so there's no one I should blame.

I realize now, how much weaker I have gotten after all these while.

I promised myself I will study harder. Let's see how far I can get to prove myself. :(

Moving on, to anyone this may concern, I'm sorry, yes I'm sorry. I used to be able to handle everything. Yes, everything. But humans do have their limits don't they? I love our friendship still. But what my mother said a few weeks back got me seriously thinking "You guys grew up, you guys grow apart.. Nothing stays forever..". Just shortly after that, that mindchanging text from you came. I was seriously speechless. How insensitive you can be towards my feeling. Like as if I mean nothing at all towards you. You should have known how sensitive I am when it comes to that kind of thing, but you just don't. Eversince then, I no longer feel close and whatnot to you. I no longer feel the need to talk to you. I no longer feel that I need to share anything with you at all.. cause I figured, you never care. You will know when to look for me. You will know when you need me. I am okay with that. I'll do what I need to as a friend. But fact that I feel so used these days, I can't find the strength to look for you anymore cause it will just make me look like a hypocrite trying to mask how I feel actually. So yeah.

It's something that I got to admit to. I have yet to find the guts to say all these to you straight instead of being a coward letting it out in a lifeless blog. I will someday though. I will tell you. Just need to find the right time and right place.

I am just so tired with everything that is happening to my life right now. May Allah give me all the strength I need to go on with life. Amin Ya Rabbal 'Alamin.

p/s: I love my classmates so much, they are the bestest. (Y)

I miss my bestfriend, I miss my life.

2011-06-01T21:18:00.001+08:00

To whoever it may concern.

I miss us.

2011-05-01T23:08:00.004+08:00

Hi let me introduce you to my girlfriends. :) /it has got nothing to do with the post/

Assalamualaikum. So here's another post. I am going to rant about something that is rather personal so really apologize to anyone that might be hurt by it. I am just sharing my piece of mind.

Recently, something rather unexpected happened. I got to say that I might be the only soul that is surprised by this whole thing. When others are not. See, this rather 'unexpected' event got me thinking. God knows so much about us. He created us to face the world for a reason. He gave us life, we ourselves decide what we want to do with it. What happened just literally showed me that if you really decide to make yourself look so low in front of the society then Allah will just give you that. True that we plan he decides, but everything goes back to you. I seriously am upset about this thing. Not gonna lie. I am scared for you, yes.. for you. What happened? Why this? Why of all things, this you chose? There's alot you can do to have fun. But why did you choose this? You proved me that you are low. I am in no place to judge you. But you showed me you wanted to be that so long ago.

I pray to Allah that he will give you the hidayah you very much need. I love you, as a sister in Islam. You're not even someone related to me. But I used to love you just as one. Allah Ma'aki ya ukhti. Amin ya Rabbal 'Alamin.

I shall end this post with some parts of the lyrics from Hold my hand by Maher Zain. To you, this is for you.

Hold my hand
There are many ways to do it right
Hold my hand
Turn around and see what we have left behind
Hold my hand my friend
We can save the good spirit of me and you
For another chance
And let’s pray for a beautiful world
A beautiful world I share with you

What that was left behind.

2011-04-30T21:42:00.004+08:00

Assalamualaikum ♥

Okay, so as promised. I am going to make this an essaylong post so as to compensate the posts I should have posted during the holidays. This is seriously ovedued. So please do forgive me.

So school has been rather hectic and I am pretty sure I will get used to it soon. There's nothing to be sad about for school. It's a lie if I am to say it is not that hard. Cause seriously, it is very hard. I am not coping that well since I am still in honeymoon mood. But Insya Allah I will get used to it. Amin.

I seriously love how nicely I spent my holidays that I do not want it to be over just yet. ;A; Vikings are one of the best thing that had happened to me.

So I am going to rant about my Vikings next, please do leave if you're not interested. Hehe.

Freshmen Orientation

It was seriously awesome way beyond words. You can not imagine how much fun I had despite all the glitches that happened along the way that is totally not necessary to dwell over. Having such a great partner as Ming Xiang, I can not ask for a better FO. :) I am thankful just the way it is.

They don't have to be the best cause they are awesome like that. My freshies. ♥

Simple as that, the pictures explained how much I love my holidays.

Vikings Chalet

I ♥ all of these moments to bits and pieces.
You all are the awesomest bunch of people EVER.

Wallahu A'lam.

Beautiful Goodbye

2011-04-21T20:45:00.003+08:00

I am never strong without you. Allahu Akbar.

Okay, so hi.

It has been long hasn't it? Hehe. Anyway, there are so many updates about myself that I want to type down here. But it won't come to an end if I do. From FO, to how school reopens, to how the beginning of Year 2 pretty much tested my patience and all sorts. I want to tell it all.

I'll do it soon. Real soon.

I wish I could.

2011-04-06T21:59:00.003+08:00

There's things in this world that you wish you could have just by pointing it out and say "I want this".

Things aren't as simple as that. If things are as simple as that, there won't be any hardwork, sweat and even satisfaction.

-Be a People's person,

This is for you.

2011-04-05T21:16:00.004+08:00

♥ باسم الله الله اكبر

Another post

2011-04-05T10:15:00.002+08:00

Hi world 8D

I'm going to start this post abruptly hokay. So yeah, went for Seoul Garden yesterday with Mairah. It was awesome. We stayed there up to 3 hours. OTL. We ate so much that right after that we can barely walk. We literally dragged our feet out of that place. Lol. All I know as I reach home, I experienced a bloody painful stomachache.

Told mum that I plan to stay home the whole week and slack. I do not want to tire myself out before FO and before school reopens. Speaking of which, timetable was out yesterday. I gotta say that I am about to experience countless number of Monday blues I tell you. Monday classes start at 8AM and ends at 8.30PM. I call that damn sian. Yes. It's a confirm case I'll reach home around 10 or even later. How sad.

I'll have to work 100x harder for this semester. True fact.

OTLs

2011-04-01T12:53:00.004+08:00

So, hi.

It has been long since I last posted. No? Teehee. So here it is. I am left with 2 weeks before school reopens. How sad. I have yet to enjoy my holiday to the fullest. See, it's Programme 4 rightaway. I just am not ready. Okay, heck with that. Moving on..

I shall dedicate this post to one of the bestest friend I have ever had. I repeat, ever.

You are an amazing friend just so you know. ^^♥

Oh btw, I can not wait for FO.♥

I get CP1106 for my class, woohhhhooooo. My course, take that dooooodddd.

Results and etc

2011-03-26T00:23:00.003+08:00

Okay, to begin with I shall say that my result was way better than what I expected. I scored an A for my CEP which is way beyond my expectation cause the paper was bloody hard to me. IPC was a surprise too cause I was expecting a C instead of a B /tho it's not much of a difference/

Alhamdulillah, true what was said. He who never disappoint, He who knows whats best for me. I am indeed more than thankful for all that had happened. I am sure I can work harder for an even better result. Amin. Next semester shall be our Programme 4. I need to be strong and firm towards myself.♥

Moving on, OGL partners ahs been decided and I am glad I have Ming Xiang as mine cause like seriously if I get an even louder guy I might be, okay hard to explain. Anyway, yeay! :D

I'll be updating more on FO as time goes okay? So yeah. Pretty seepy right now, so I am ranting nonsense instead of blogging properly.

xoxo

Vikings

2011-03-16T19:10:00.002+08:00

♥

Holla peeps. I am leaving you guys with this video for now. It explains what I am feeling right now. Totally. Will update soon. Real soon.♥

flavors.me

2011-03-13T19:27:00.004+08:00

my annoying face

So as I said, I re-watched A Walk To Remember. That just made it my 11th time watching it. Excluding the times I watch it in 2009. Like I expected, I cried like I don't care. Did I mention I watched it in the middle of night? Oh yeah I did.

I especially cried at the father-son hugging part. I gotta say that I am sensitive when it comes to family bond matter. I do not know why. It is something I can't, just can't stop myself from crying. Nadhz did say that it is based on a true story, whuch makes it 100 times more sad than it already is. Psh.

Today I didn't really spend the day productively I should say cause 3/4 of the day I spent by walking around and do nothing at sister's in-law house. ;__; I dislike jemputan for a reason. But ignoring the unproductive part, the function got satay. Woo. All I know, I came back with satay smell all over my baju songket. ROFL.

Tomorrow is gonna be a long day. OGL training session that is. Let's go pipol let's go.

You know, people that don't know me as in that is not close to me normally have such such a negative first impression on me. Like I stuck up and all. Seriously, I have no idea where that come from. Come talk to me of you feel like I am so sepak-able or anything. I'll definitely talk to you back okay? If I don't then with all your mighty wish sepak me.

Right now, I miss my bestfriend. Siti Muzainah, comeback Singapore fast can. ♥

Lastly, I gotta say that LTC reallyyyyy helped me in making lots of friends.

♥♥♥

Should I change my bgm to Only Hope? Ya Allah.

Only Hope.

2011-03-11T21:49:00.003+08:00

"When it feels like my dreams are so far.."

This version is second best after Mandy Moore's. I love it to bits and pieces. I tear a lil inside everytime I listen to it. My heart is very weak you see.

Back

2011-03-11T13:28:00.005+08:00

Hi pipol.♥ I am finally back from camp. /tho it doesn't make any difference/

I'd rate it 8/10 for the whole thing. It was fun, able to make new friends and stuffs. /pardon me if it gets boring, I'm still sleepy you see/ For the very first time ever - and I suppose not the last - I miss my mum's cooking like a lot there. Not because the food there not nice or anything. I myself do not know why. MUM'S COOKING FOR THA WINN.

I slept only for 3-4 hours at the camp for the whole 3days 2nights. Sadded or what. I can't sleep. One, because I never bring sleeping bag. Two, because the floor was so freaking cold. See la, I never bring any sleeping bag or mattress or whatnot then the room so cold end up I cannot sleep. The second day was so torturous that I reminded myself that I HAVE to sleep no matter what. Since the room so cold, I went up to level four and slept and the prayers room. Since there got no fan at all. So warm like that.

/sorry for the excessive Singlish I am using/

Then the games part, it was fun. So much fun. The night walk especially. It seriously surprises me how I can go wayy beyond what I expected I could. I never crawled that far before. Check check when I reach there my leg cramp. Nothing unusual cause most of the time when I go for camps, cramp is like nothing already. )':

Obviously there's some glitches and dissatisfaction going on. But I signed up for the camp to have fun, and I did. We make mistakes, so do learn to forgive others.

My pimples break out like mad at the camp. So sadded you see.

"People have their ways to do things, so do we. Don't always look for others fault cause we ourselves are never perfect. Never. We have no right to judge others. You don't like people talking behind your back, don't talk about others behind their backs. Always think of the good things people do and don't always pinpoint on their mistakes. Things always gets ugly like that"

The Awesomes

2011-03-04T17:55:00.004+08:00

Time spent with the awesomes are love.

So, SE ended ~horribly~ with CEP. But all in all. Allah knows best. I shall not mourn over what had happened. So, right after the last paper, we decided to eat our fill at Seoul Garden. Which I've been wanting to do eversince school started.

Okay, so basically what I did after SE are over is just...slacking. Slacking to no end. It feel so good to be examinations free but yeah, it won't be long till I feel the boredom and the need to do something. Mehh. I wanted to work this holiday but given that my schedule is pretty pack this month and the next with LTC stuffs going on, I don't think I can handle it.

Final day.

2011-03-01T11:23:00.001+08:00

You might think that.. 'oh please, not again.'

But believe it or not, it's hard for a Korean song to actually inspire me. But this song did so.

;A; hey you

2011-02-24T19:46:00.001+08:00

こんばんはみいなさああん。

I need motivations. For real.

2011-02-24T14:04:00.001+08:00

With You.. Always.

2011-02-22T20:33:00.002+08:00

Okay, so hi. It has been so long since I last updated. As I said earlier. My Examination is coming and it's really here. Believe it or not it's starting tomorrow. I am beyond scared but I know He will guide me through as I know if efforts has been put in, He will never disappoint.

We. Us.

2011-02-15T17:18:00.002+08:00

Okay, so basically this picture explains how I'm feeling right now. Pouty. CEP didn't go that well but atleast I know and learnt my mistake. Regretting to no end brings me nowhere. So yeah. I have been feeling so so lazy these past few days that I have to push myself to the end. Push like I never cared. Slacking does me no good at all cause I know the pleasure of it and starts to not want to study and blablabla. You know it. Insya Allah tak lah kan. ♥

Anyway, SJM's 'Perfection' was out yesterday and you have no idea how much I squealed yesterday. Been a little over a year.

Since I have been mugging endlessly these past few days, I tend to de-stress more by editing pictures and stuffs. Life is very very very boring lately. That's my update. Yes.

Fallahu A'lam. ♥

lovelight ;A;

2011-02-12T09:50:00.005+08:00

Goodmorning to the world♥ I feel so fresh now that I bathed and all. Okay to start off, today I planned to study but then again I'm not sure if that is happening cause you see, I'm such such such a procrastinator. IDE ;_; Doa jer lah banyak-banyak nari I belajar. ^-^♥

Yesterday after studying like mad for two hours I took the time off by watching the TV. And low and behold my favourite variety show was on. 2D1N. Of course I would watch it. It was about foreign workers and their families. I swear I was overwhelmed with emotions watching the part where they get to reunite with their family. It feels so sad. ;______;♥ it must have been hard for these people to actually work elsewhere and not being with their family. /SOBS\

I slept in tears as I was reminded of that show. That's how I am. ~.~

Doing it again.

2011-02-11T19:13:00.003+08:00

Listen to my background music and you shall be enlightened.

If I am to rant today, it will never end. I pretty much wasted my time mostly today. Good thing I followed my mum to her religious class. It's like a mild slap. I am in mad love with this song that I made it my bgm. It's such a motivation. & It goves me a push at the back sometimes. Reasons that I only know.

It is beautiful how He is able to make you feel things you thought you'll never be able to feel again. Fallahu Akbar.♥

Do follow me on twitter cause I'm there most of the time.♥

HERE

Till next time.♥

2011-02-11T17:22:00.006+08:00

It has been so long since I last posted here. It's like.. what.. last year? -facepalm-

I promise, I will update more from time to time. For now, exam is like just around the corner. ;_;

Allah Ma'i.^-^

2010-10-16T12:39:00.007+08:00

Hello. It has been so long since I last posted something.

For I've been to busy enjoying with my life since its holiday if you might not notice that. From what I see, this blog seems to be the place I vent out all the angered up feelings I have. And that often only happens once in awhile. Trust me, its really hard to see me reallllyyyyy get pissed over something. Since I am a very short-tempered. I only get angry for a short span of time. Yes that's me. ♥

For the 3 weeks I'm having the time of my life ; I listened to a lot of Japanese songs. Needed that morale boost before school reopens.

If really look for the good ones, you';; find the good ones. I found a lot. Such beautiful songs there is. I've been cutting down on my Kpop spazzing for all I know. The time for me to leave the fandom is kinda nearing. Just a few more years or maybe even month before I finally find the day to stop. As in, really stop.

It's not that I do not want to be in this fandom anymore. It's more like I find that its enough. I enjoyed the ride. And its time to stop. Somehow. Moreover, the only reason I stayed is for the 15 souls that invaded my life without I even notice it.♥

It's not now. Just not now.

Speaking of which. Cho Kyuhyun will be in musical theatre and you have no idea how proud I am. He grew so much. So much from the time I started spazzing about him for the past 3 years.

I am indeed anticipating that debut. The other side of him.♥

And yes. Dana will be there. Talking about excitement here. CSJH has been gone for too long. Dana, you'll be there. Joy

Till then, Sayonara. ^^♥

p/s : check out the blog's song. Ohno Satoshi's voice is one of the best I've heard. Honest that is.♥